I want you to have a think about what you want out of a relationship. Now I am speaking to all the ladies today, regardless of whether you are single, married, in a long-term relationship or ‘its complicated’. I speak to many women and everyone of them has their own story about their love life and their relationship goals. So I want you to consider what it is you actually want to get out of a relationship. What do you want to achieve and how do you want to be considered?
Now it is my firm belief that regardless of what life has done to you, regardless of your story or background, human beings are hardwired to be in a relationship. That is our job, that’s what we do. We form attachments and we form relationships. But we come into a relationship with baggage; not necessarily negative baggage but none-the-less, we all have our own story and experiences and that informs how we ‘show-up’. How we show-up to our partners, friends, how we show up to the world. And that presentation will be different in every situation. So you will be different when you are at home to when you are at work, or with your friends or with your lover or partner. And that is very normal because nobody is ever one person all of the time. But when it comes to how you show up in your relationship, we can demonstrate a lot about how we have experienced love, how we have grown up and seen it, and what our past relationships have done to us to make us feel either good about ourselves or bad about ourselves. And we carry all of that forward and we bring that into every new relationship that we have. Sometimes I work with couples who have been in long term relationships with the same partner since they were inn their late teens or early twenties and other times I’ll work with someone who has had several long-term relationships or several marriages. But each of those examples, no matter how many relationships in between, change you. As you grow, you develop and your relationships change you and your experiences change you. The question is: what do you want? What do you want and what do you think you deserve? It’s a really important consideration because, what you think you deserve doesn’t always match or align with what you want. So you can want your Happy Ever After, you can want to have someone to love or have someone to love you, but do you think you are worthy of that? Do you feel that you deserve that? Or when somebody shows you that love, do you have a little nagging voice at the side of you head called Doubt or Fear that chips away, whispering in your ear, that you are not good enough for it?? And what does that mean? Does that mean that you show up differently, and if so how? Or do you feel that you are absolutely worthy of it and actually nobody is good enough for you? Maybe you think they are at first but once you get committed in the relationship something changes? I spoke last time about the common denominator and that if you’ve had a few relationships and your attracting the same kind of man, then the common denominator is you. Now that can be for several different reasons, but that’s why it’s so important to know the difference between what you want and what you think you are worth because if the two don’t marry up then its going to be very hard to achieve it.
As I said, I believe everybody is worthy of a long-term relationship. But life experiences change the way we perceive ourselves and the way we perceive others. And sometimes were just not that good at being able to maintain those relationships for what ever reason and we can see obstacles in our way that are sometimes there for good reason and other times just there through fear and self-doubt.
I’ll be carrying on with the theme of love and why the love that we should have for ourselves is so important. And it is so important for you to know that you are worthy and if there’s anything that is lurking or any little voices whispering in your ear telling you that you’re not, then we need to talk about that and we need to work out where those little voices are coming from because everybody is worthy of being loved.