Its been 6 years since I lost my dad.
At the time I didn’t know how I would ever recover. The pain was incomprehensible and for months I had no clue what I was supposed to do on the days when we would have regularly met up.
In the time that has passed my life has changed beyond all belief. This is quite hard for me to articulate this because it still challenges me to consider that my life, quite simply, wouldn’t be as it is now if he were still here.
I think about this All The Time!! I feel like I am betraying him every time I show gratitude for my life. This feels so complicated.
You see, my dad adored me. No one would ever doubt that! But he had hopes and desires for me that weren’t shared by me. And yet, all I ever wanted to do was make him proud of me and so I followed his dreams for me rather than following my own.
His aspirations for me were noble, but they didn’t make my heart happy. I was encouraged to follow a career path which although great, simply wasn’t my true calling. He would have loved nothing more than to have seen me in a management role; remaining in social work but climbing up the management ladder. Managing teams and systems…. grey work, as I always called it.
Being a ‘coach’ wouldn’t have been considered a ‘real’ job. If he were to have watched me transition into counselling, he would have encouraged me to get a Ph.D., because only with ‘Doctor’ in front of my name would it be considered a meaningful role.
I fought against being a coach for many years, even though I knew it would be the perfect way to incorporate my skills as a social worker and a counsellor. I knew that I had such a lot to give my clients and knew that my skill set and experience would be invaluable. And yet I had to invest thousands of pounds into getting my own coach to be able to gain the permission needed to embrace my calling. Not permission from her, but permission from myself.
Once I was able to proudly tell people, ‘Hi, I’m Pascale and I’m a Relationship and Life Coach’, I was able to start meeting my potential. The funny thing is, I have way exceeded my pay-scale as a social worker and I am still only relatively at the beginning of my journey.
My training and experience put me way ahead of my colleagues and peers and yet I still find myself wondering ‘would he be proud of me’?
OF COURSE, he would be proud of me. He would be immensely proud of me. Not just with the career I have built but also as a mother and the life I am building for myself and my family.
Most of us question ourselves and our ability. I am not and will never be above self-doubt or self-scrutiny.
So I ask you this. What stories do you carry with you still that hold you back from realising your true potential? What message do you carry around that prevent you from choosing and reaching your goals? Who are you living your life for and what changes can you make today to make your heart sing and your future your dream come true?
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