Ok so this comes up all the time in the work that I do. How much do you feel your childhood has influenced your adult relationships, either with your partner or as a parent?
Stories that you’ve been told, stories that you’ve heard, family dynamics that you’ve witnessed, just being replayed or recreated in their own adult life.
And it’s something which we can be aware of or not aware of, but more than likely become an issue at some point, regardless of whether your childhood has been really happy or whether it’s been quite difficult.
These patterns of behaviour often recreate and what can happen is that we can either try to replicate a really positive childhood experience and then find ourselves stumbling on the path, or usually and more often, family difficulties, parental difficulties, end up being either recreated or reinvented, doing the same thing but just in a different way… and this comes up in my client work all the time because a lot of the time, we are not aware of the patterns of behaviour that we are recreating.
So, if that if that resonates with you, it might be that you need to take some time to think about that.. It might be that it would be really helpful to spend some time thinking about what are the toxic patterns of behaviour that you have in your relationship, what are the kind of key themes if you like and where did where did that start? And does it start with your partner or does it start with you or is it a situation that you’ve created between the two of you?
These patterns of behaviour can show up in so many different ways, so it’s really good to have some space and really consider those patterns and think about where they trace back to?
Maybe not directly as I said, we recreate them in different ways sometimes. Think about the stories that you heard, the narrative that you grew up with or even just past love experiences and previous relationships and see where those patterns of behaviour come from, and then usually, once we are aware of them and we can shine a light on them, we’re able to consciously make decisions to change it.