So what are the blocks to having those meaningful conversations?
Is it time… Really, honestly!? Or is it something else? Do you (or your partner) just find those difficult conversations too difficult to have?
Is this stubbornness, petulance or is this fear? Often, difficult conversations provoke an incredibly strong physical reaction in us. This might be felt in your stomach, butterflies, sickness… Or it might be felt in your chest, pounding heart, rapid breathing… It might be in your head, dizziness, cloudiness.
However the feeling manifests, It is real! The anxiety or fear that some people have when dealing with difficult situations, conversations, conflicts are real!
Often these feelings are displayed in a different way though. They can show up as anger, frustration, total shutdown, tears.
These are defense mechanisms and have been learnt over the years and compounded by not being able to speak from the heart.
When do you think it started? How were you responded to as a child when you had difficult situations to confront? Do you see any patterns that have followed you through the years?
Once you are aware of the fact that you avoid difficult conversations and you recognise the patterns of your behaviour, you at least can acknowledge it.
You might be able to explain to your partner the physical reactions that you have around these conversations. This in itself is a huge step forward! Don’t underestimate the enormity of this brave step. After that you can slowly start to make those conversations a little bit more in-depth and a bit more frequent. x