It all started by focusing on me and not him and created a happy family home for my children to grow in
Believe me, it hasn’t always been easy and like all couples, we still have our ups and downs, but life is so much easier now than it used to be.
Let me give you some background
I don’t know whether I can honestly say that it was love at first sight… Love grows over time… But I knew from the moment I met him that he was different from all of the others and that there was definitely something wonderful about to happen.
But as is always the case, once the honeymoon period was over and domestic life together became routine and mundane, the arguments and frustrations started to kick in… Nothing too shocking here
But there were some really big things going on for me to that I’ve never really had to acknowledge before
Poor communication on my side, not being able to express myself properly, anger, hurt and fear… Fear of rejection and fear of losing him. So much internal chaos!
I knew I loved him, but I couldn’t understand how I was feeling so hurt and so wounded… is this what love is? Euphoric joy and total pain bundled together?
Of course not… Not to this degree anyway. I knew he wasn’t a bad man… He doesn’t have a bad bone in his body. He is not perfect, but then none of us are!
No… This was an inside job and I needed to work out what was going on. I could easily have walked away from this relationship but I absolutely didn’t want to and I knew that he wasn’t the cause of the problem… I was.
It wasn’t easy turning it around, but the lessons I learned along the way are skills that I will never lose and still practice regularly, for myself, for my relationship and for my children.
Here’s what I did:
1. I was really clear with myself about what needed to change. Being honest and self reflective is not an easy task for many because it’s always easier to see fault in others than in ourself. Yes, I acknowledge that he is not without fault, but I knew this was much more about me than it was about him and being open to sitting with that was a fundamental part of the change.
2. Discovering the law of attraction was an absolute game-changer for me and it’s something that I practice in my life every day. Understanding that, what we focus on, we create more of. So focusing on negativity only invites more negativity but focusing on joy and pleasure invites more joy and pleasure. It’s actually a very simple concept and one that is not used enough by so many.
3. I started counselling and understanding that my own blocks and barriers were in terms of communication, fear and vulnerability. Again, this was an enormous part of the work… Really understanding who I am as an individual and how I’ve got to where I am now helps me to determine all of my next moves and ultimately where I want to end up. Happy in myself, as a wife and as a mother! It also inspired me to become a counsellor which is a vocation I absolutely love!
4. Commitment. Not just to him but to myself. Commitment to make sure that fear will never overtake my desire for happiness. Commitment to my husband that we can go through difficult times and come out of it together, stronger. And a commitment to my children, though they weren’t conceived at this point, they were a huge part of my vision… And so a commitment that I would raise them in a happy and loving house how old is at the core of everything I have done and everything that I will do.
Committing to all of this on a regular basis, a daily practice has made such a huge difference to my relationship with my husband and now, to my children too!
No one ever said it was going to be easy but I can guarantee you it is worth it.
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