Are you caught up on the blame train?? Are you able to have these conversations without it constantly being on the attack or getting defensive? Can you sit down and have a conversation with each other and actually hear what each other is saying without immediately having to jump to defence?
Regardless of whether it’s you or your partner that are the instigator of the arguments, I am guessing that neither of you like living in a toxic environment with constant arguing.
So how can you find a way of being able to manage these situations without it blowing up and creating conflict?
Whether or not you hope that one day you will be able to get your relationship back on track romantically or just keep the peace and harmony in order to maintain a stable family life for the children, this is important. Because it is not always about the children. You have to be happy too. If you are not happy and your partner is not happy, then no body is happy. There has to be harmony at home and that starts with you.
So what are you able to be accountable for? Can you be accountable for the arguments? Do you get defensive and flare up? Can you take it on the chin when your partner says something negative? Are you able to walk away? Can you accept that within your relationship there are two of you and that means that you are both accountable for the place you are both in now; regardless of whether this is a 50/50 blame game, 70/30 or 80/20.
If you are having conversations and all you are doing is listening in order to respond, defend yourself or shout back, then that is never going to be constructive to having a harmonious outcome. If you are committed to making the best of what you have at the moment and the foreseeable future, then there needs to be a way of being able to acknowledge the differences you have, the difficulties that you have and being able to find a way to manage these issues without it being an argument. If you can do that, by sharing and listening, and having meaningful conversations that are meaningful and restorative.