What does being in a relationship mean to you? Do you want to be in relationship or do you like being single, independent?
Do you love to be loved and do you love loving?
Or is it all just a bit of a bind that you could really do without?
Maybe you really like the idea of being in a relationship and in love but the right guy just hasn’t come along.
Maybe you’ve met or dated a lot of men but they’re not your type or they look like they are on paper but in reality, once things get going and you get to know each other you realise he’s not.
So what is that about?
There could be lots of different reasons why one is sabotaging their love life. You may be too picky or have high standards or maybe you are just really clear about what you are looking for in a relationship an you are not going to compromise on that until you get what you want.
But could there be something else gong on here?
This could in fact be fear kicking in and even though you don’t realise it, its there.
What could the fear be about? It could be fear of rejection. If you are in a relationship with someone that you like and you think that this relationship has the possibility of going well, you then put a stop on it before it goes any further because you don’t want to get hurt so its much easier to put the brakes on first and at least then you are in control and you don’t have to go through that period of rejection, which makes perfect sense.
Or maybe you don’t think you’re good enough. Maybe you have been told in the past that you are not worthy of love and you don’t deserve it.
Maybe you have had difficulties in your previous relationships either romantic, friendship or family, and you have been hurt and you don’t want to put yourself back in that situation again.
You may have fear that once people get to know you and see you in your true colours, they might find out something about you which they don’t simply just not like you anymore.
Or maybe its none of that. Maybe you are picking a ‘type’, and without realising it, you are going after a specific behaviour or characteristic that you find attractive but actually turns out to be something that keeps repeating the same undesirable outcome. So for example you might be attracted to men who are charismatic and charming who cheat.
Now no one would blame you for being attracted to a charming, charismatic man because obviously that can be very attractive. But if he has an eye for the ladies and the ladies have an eye for him, that could possibly be problematic. If that then feeds an insecurity in you, that brings out behaviours in you that show up as jealousy, neediness or going a bit ‘crazy’ and eventually perpetuating the cycle you are trying to escape.
All of these behaviours can just keep repeating over and over until you become aware of what is actually happening, you address and tackle the issues. Now there is nothing wrong with having a list of characteristics or behaviours that you want or don’t want in a partner is wrong. I don’t think it’s a bad thing at all.
But it is about being really clear with yourself about whether you are being true to yourself and true to your values.
Are you putting a stop where there needs to be a stop? Are you putting a stop to relationships before they’ve even started? Do you just think that you deserve better and its worth holding out for Mr Right because he will eventually come along. I hope for you he does come along or maybe he has come along already?
Or maybe you’re in a relationship already and you’re not quite sure if he is the right guy for you?
Its so important that you know yourself whether or not this guy is the right guy for you or whether or not you are deliberately stopping yourself from being happy in a relationship because you have a fear or a voice inside you that is telling you for some reason or another that you don’t deserve to be happy.
Only YOU ultimately know whether or not you are self-sabotaging or just being picky and waiting for the right guy.